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I’m gonna kill you mommy D:

January 30, 2012

Gather around for a tale so scary it’ll make you never want to have kids!

(This is NOT my kid, it’s an image from the film “The Orphanage”.  My kid actually looks like she should be the Coppertone kid.  It’s always the cute ones you have to look out for.)

Back when my youngest first got transitioned into a big kid bed she came down to my room in the middle of the night and just hovered in the doorway with the light from the upstairs bathroom casting an ominous shadow of her silhouette into my room.  I’m a super light sleeper since having kids and the sound of her little feet sneaking down the stairs woke me up.  What struck me when I first woke up was this weird sound, almost like an amplified heart beat, and then I looked at my daughter and said “What’s wrong sweetie?”

“I’m gonna kill you Mommy”

“Whaaaat?”  I got out of bed and she didn’t say anything else to me.  I had to figure out what was making that sound, THUMP thump THUMP thump, and smite it.  At this point I was starting to suspect I was actually still asleep.  This is some kind of fucked up shit I would dream!

I went down into the living room and she stayed at the top of the stairs watching me and clutching one of her stuffed animals.  The sound was starting to make me panic a little and then she said it again “I’m going to KILL you Mommy.”  I looked up at her and then pinched my arm as hard as I could…nope I’m actually awake.  Shit this is really happening.  I can’t believe I had to pinch myself in real life because something was really so messed up.

“Hold on a second sweetheart.”

I went over to the entertainment system and found the source, the amp was toast.  I turned it off and felt like the world had at least returned to some state of normal now that that horrid sound had stopped.

I got her back in bed as quickly as I could and then went back to my own bed and just stared at the ceiling untill morning.

I’m still a light sleeper, I don’t want to get stabbed by her in the middle of the night!

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